Wednesday, 28 March 2007

Chestnut Report Part XII - Special Report

"Hey Wing Nation. I was thinking if you're not busy for the next half-hour, maybe you'd like to, I don't know, you know, read the blog? It's not a date or anything; we're just hanging out.

This is The Chestnut Report!"




Welcome back to Part XII of a XX part series, 'Better Know a Chestnut Wing'


Thanks for joining us tonight Wing Nation. Wednesday night brought us wings once again - with the Honey Garlic-free wings served in great quantity. These delectable chicken morsels were coming out relatively plain, but a vat of suicide sauce was available. Not a quick heat, but a slow burn, like our love of freedom, this suicide sauce had a great taste and orange alert colour to them. Now this is all well and good, but there were an alarming number of issues while eating these wings. I then realized that we needed to examine and scrutinized these un-patriotic wing behaviors. So tonight, we bring you:



A Chestnut Report Special Repor(T):
WINGIQUITTE - SOME KEY LESSONS ON WING EATING




The best way to learn to avoid these spicy faux pas is to see the bad example first, then the proper method.





1) CHOOSING WINGS


THE WRONG WAY: taking only 1 type of chicken, leaving the flappers, or the drumsticks. Be kind, take them all - if sharing that is.


THE RIGHT WAY: taking a nice balance of types - besides, both the drumsticks and the flappers have their advantages and disadvantages.


2) HOW TO EAT A WING





THE WRONG WAY: these are wings! They are not a gourmet food - a knife and fork is just a disgrace.


THE RIGHT WAY: just pick them up and enjoy. Are they messy? Yes. That's the way they are supposed to be.



3) FINISHING A CHICKEN WING

THE WRONG WAY: have you seen this on some one's plate? Can you see what I see? That's right, chicken on both ends. The wing is not a tree and you are not a beaver - you don't just mow down the middle.











THE RIGHT WAY: Cleaned.



4) BORROWING A WING


THE WRONG WAY: Don't. Just don't do it. Don't even ask to have one. Get your own.







THE RIGHT WAY: A plate to yourself - your wings are your wings. 2 Exceptions: a) you order as a group, (but you only get like 1-2 wings, so why?) b) your letting someone try the killer suicide and you want a good laugh.



5) WING GARBAGE

THE WRONG WAY: bones, napkins and scraps everywhere. Wings may not be a dainty food, but that doesn't mean you have to act like a brute.


THE RIGHT WAY: always have a wing bowl or extra plate on the side. This should be standard at restaurants.

Hopefully with these tips you can avoid a social error in the world of wings. That way I can get back to eating and not being angry.


Stay Strong, Be Brave Wing Nation.




1 comment:

Got a Gripe? said...

I really enjoyed your wing etiquette! Keep the world informed, Wing King.