Friday, 30 November 2007

Chestnut Report SPECIAL REPORT: Reporting on the Special Chestnut

I come back to the Chestnut to check on the wings since I left; yes, I came back the very next day, they thought I was a goner but I just couldn't stay away. Stop trying.


David Kim sits down with me to eat some wings; will his eating skills be a 'Tip of the Hat' or a 'Wag of the Winger?' I'll give you a hint, the terrorists won.


Finally, the dangers of multi-tasking.
I guess I better stop being 'Awesome' and 'Fantastic'.

"Sorry, egg fans, it's the chicken.
End of argument.
This is The Chestnut Report!"

Welcome back to our special series, 'Better Know a Chestnut Wing'. Tonight we bring you: "A Chestnut Report SPECIAL REPORT: Reporting on the Special Chestnut Report." Yes, we are looking at how we are looking at reporting the Chestnut Wing, The Fight'n Chestnut.

It's been several months since we had a Chestnut Report, mainly due to the fact I don't live at the Chestnut anymore. It is very hard to review Chestnut chicken wings when I don't live there. But I came back, and upon my arrival not only was I greeted with wings, but 'Favourite Wing Son Award'. What an honour, that I suggested be created, in honour of me. But with that award and the support, I realized i needed to announce on this special night my candidacy:

"Hail to the Chicken, Wing King's Hot Wing 2008 Presidential Campaign"

High on the natural capsicum of popularity, I was ready to reach out to the voters. Campaigning for both sides of the issues, good wings or great wings, I was ready to grab power and serve the needs of the chicken electorate. I was ready to show my true colours: "that I believe in wings, that I believe the people who eat wings. I'm going to tell it. Strong; bold; Bam! I'll put it out there. Deal with it or get out of the way." I love the wing nation, almost as much as it loves me.

I sat down with friend and staff member David Kim to go over the campaign and the The Fight'n Chestnut . A terrible blow was struck though when Dave told me I didn't get the nomination. I told him:

"Well, thanks so much, give my best to the people of the Wing Nation, and tell the other candidates I will see them in hell. Having the honour of just making it thus far. I mean, its all for the best, I'm so busy with the blog, and eating wings and travelling around and hanging out with all those friends that I have. WHY!?!?!? Why don't you wan't me in your race? Fine its your loss! I had a lot of great ideas no no no, no its too late, no one gets to hear it. Fine, I sung the praises of your wings Chestnut, but that's it, no more."

Then Dave told me that I didn't get the nomination because there was no electoral race. Which leads us to our next segment: "Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Winger"

WAG OF THE FINGER to David Kim for telling me I didn't get the nomination. It felt like being stabbed in the back with a broccoli spear.

A TIP OF THE HAT to David Kim for actually sitting down with me and having wings. Sure I may have lost the election that never was really happening and lost all the power I didn't really have

Another TIP OF THE HAT to Chestnut residence - for providing me with a giant plate of wings and suicide sauce. Big meaty wings, flavourful suicide sauce. But was it all a wing could be?

No. Thus another WAG OF THE FINGER to Chestnut for not serving crispy wings on this sitting. What happened? And you had gone through a bigger container of Honey Garlic sauce than suicide. Which leads us to

WAG OF THE FINGER back again to Dave, who admits "I like spicy food, but not spicy wings. I prefer honey garlic". NOOOOOOOOO! Dave, you're ON NOTICE!!!! You might have to even be added to my THREAT DOWN.

Now I didn't let the Honey Garlic menace to get me down, or the soft wings stop me from consuming a lot of wings. Sure, I could have just quit, but then I would be letting the terrorists win, and we can't have that Wing Nation.

I had to win, so I fought back with delish suicide, a sauce that wasn't afraid to by truthi about its flavour and its heat. Sure it could have been hotter, but the Honey Garlic hipsters would have been out forming a march or a sit in of sticky complaints.

When it comes down to it, you can have bad wings, or good wings done badly. Or good wings that went bad but then went bad, or bad good wings that might be good. Or bad. My point is this - make the wings crispier, get rid of the honey garlic. Dave, feel free to join me for wings again, but don't let me catch you with the honey garlic insurgency. And although I may not have won the Hail to the Chicken, Wing King's Hot Wing 2008 Presidential Campaign, I was happy just eating wings.

Hey. Nation, I'm having, too good a time to say good night. Lets have a deep talk over wings at a pub and then watch the sunrise. Too much? Too soon? Ya its cool. Good night.

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