Friday, 2 February 2007

Chestnut Report Part X

"A, E, I, O, U, and sometimes Y?
Consonant or vowel, make up your mind, we're at war.
This is the Chestnut Report!"

Welcome back to Part X of a XX part series, 'Better Know a Chestnut Wing'

On tonight's blog, we are in THREAT DOWN mode. Once again, the sweetanistas have embolden the terrorists by bringing back Honey Garlic wings.

Wing Nation, we are under attack. These Honey Garlic extremists are trying to destroy all that we hold true in a wing. They are undermining our wing way of life and they might just not stop with wings.

Like any good newsman, I believe that if you're not scared, I'm not doing my job. We have to be aware of the enemy and how persuasive it can be. To best understand the enemy, I tried one. I know, I know, I know what your thinking: Wing King, have you defected? No Wing Nation, I took one of the Devil's own wing and tried it to better understand what I was truly up against.

I bit into one: I had a letter-bomb of sugar blow up in my mouth. Sticky and venomy, I almost cried at the waste of such a wing. But what the Honey Garlic extremists didn't know was that I was prepared for such an attack. They fell right into my trap.

Yes, I brought back up: home-made hot sauce. In a bowl I mixed the spiciest condiments available at the counter: Tabasco sauce, chili flakes, Red Rooster hot sauce (a Vietnamese hot sauce I don't know the name of), Trinidadian hot sauce as well as Worcestershire and HP sauce for some flavour. Mixed and spread over the wings, the Honey Garlic Insurgency was quickly defeated.

It was bold: spicy in burn both immediately and in after affect, but it also had flavour. I had worried that the kitchen-sink approach to sauces might fail miserably but victory was ours this day.

Also available on order to combat the Honey Garlic bad guys was BBQ wings. Now granted, they were not as good as the Wednesday night BBQ wings, but they were the best alternative out there the average citizen had open to them.

We must soldier on. If we stop eating spicy, flavourful wings - we are letting the terrorists win. Keep up the good fight.

Stay strong, be brave Wing Nation.

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