DONNA's EXPRESS ~ Ottawa

Donna's is now known as MOE's PIZZA

Have you ever walked or driven past a place like a million times, and never gone in? You're always like, 'I should go there sometime', but then never do? That was Donna's Express for me. It's an interesting place I always see and always see people at but have just never gone in. Then I decided, 'today is the day', and that this wasn't going to be the place I never go in. Who knows, this could be a secret wing gold mine.


At 11:30 am this place was already buzzing. Half the patio was full, which is usually a good sign for the food. I was confused about how to enter the place - Donna's is part restaurant part convenience store. I walked into the solarium part where a waitress approached me immediately. She asked if I wanted a seat and I mentioned I wanted take-out (wanted to get home and watch some noon-hour DS9. She brought me to the 'diner' counter, where I picked from the menu a small cheese pizza and wings. "What kind of sauce? Mild, medium, hot, honey garlic . . ." "I see the menu has suicide, can I get that?" "You like it hot do you? O-kay!"



I sat and observed the place. The decor was old - faded seat and bench covers, train memorabilia around the walls (the Express refers to the locomotive, not the speed of service). There are two places I would have sat if I did: the patio, or the 'diner' counter, which has a great view of the kitchen. Actually, where I sat while waiting, I could watch the chef/cooks cooking up a storm. Club sandwiches, fries, pizzas - it was fun to watch. The clientele was a mix: construction workers, government drones, elderly people - but it was clear that just about everyone was a regular as customers came in without reading a menu and ordering and chatting up the waitresses. A very friendly place indeed.

Once my food was ready, I was pointed over to the convenient store to pay. The gentleman said I got a free pop with my combo (I didn't see anything saying it was a combo, but a free pop, sure!). I also witnessed a guy behind me who got 2 pizzas and something was told he got 2 2 litre pops. The man got 2 500ml bottles and the clerk corrected him for his drinks (but the guy didn't want that much pop). That's some good customer service.

I got a plain cheese pizza. Partly because I was being cheap, and partly because I was just craving the cheese. It was small and I was like, yup, that is small. I was hoping it was going to be mighty tasty for $10.

I loved the grease on top. Health be dammed, a good pizza should have a nice sheen of grease on top.


It had a thick end crust, but was thin overall. I liked the crust, crispy, greasy. But a little too much. The sauce was also thin, but the cheese was piled on thick. As you can see above, pulling a slice out almost meant pulling all the cheese off the whole pizza.



This wasn't a bad pizza, but it just didn't have that hook to bring me in again. It wasn't bad, but I'll keep searching Ottawa for a pizza for me. And of course I went there ultimately for the wings. All the way home I could smell the sauce. It ignited my senses. It smelled like Jaco's, my childhood wing - the wings that got me into wings. But would these wings live up to my smell memory?

2008 THE SCORE 3.0: DONNA’s EXPRESS ~ Ottawa

STYLE:	Pizza joint, Deep fried, Buffalo style
PRICE:	$7.95 for approx 12 wings
SAUCES:	Mild Medium Hot Suicide Honey Garlic BBQ (I think, not completely sure)	1/1
HEAT:	Nothing to tingle
SIZE:	Small small small	0.5/3
WETNAP FACTOR:	wet	2/3
CRISPINESS:	Crisp/chewy	1.5/3
FLAVOUR:	ok	1/3
SIDES:	n/a
CLEAN UP:	n/a
WING NIGHT:	n/a (pizza joint)
OTHER:	patio
TOTAL:	All right – nothing special	6/13*

I got home and I was jonesing for these wings. I opened up the container: ok, these wings are small. They looked good, but small. They were deep fried and the skin was crispy. Well, they were a bit chewy, which comes from being frozen (I'm pretty sure) and from the trip from Donna's to home.

They were meaty-ish, for such a tiny wing. I just couldn't get past their small size. They smelled so much bigger when I was bringing them home - no really. Actually, if I remember Jaco's correctly, they were small wings too. Oh well.

I had ordered the wings suicide, but they were not. I remember seeing the cook who looked at the order with a little confusion; in retrospect, I think he was like 'suicide? I guess they mean hot' and used hot sauce. And by hot sauce I mean mild. Because these puppies were pretty weak. Now the sauce was tasty, very Buffalo style sauced, but it really needs a heat kick.

FINAL SCORE: Donna's seems to be a good dinner with good diner food. The soup, the sandwiches all looked really good and with big portions. I would go back for the diner food. On the other hand, while the cheese pizza was cheesy, it wasn't an amazing pizza pie. And the wings, well, they were tasty, but small and no heat. If you offer suicide, it should make my mouth burn, shouldn't it? The A-Channel voted this place Best Take-Out food in Ottawa a couple of years ago, but I would stick to dinning in. 5.5/13

Donna's Express
322 Churchill Ave, OttawaTake-Out MENU

PS: doesn't that greasy box look like it had the best pizza? if only it did.

WK BBQ BACON BIG MAC ~ Non-Wing Recipe

"Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun"

I had some ground beef on hand, some bacon, charcoals - this meant I was going to have to do some que'ing. But something special was in order. I decided I was going to let McDonald's Big Mac be my inspiration, and I thought, maybe I can take it to the next level.

WK BBQ BIG MAC

INGREDIENTS:

• ground beef
• spices (ground coriander, s&p, garlic powder, red chili powder)
• bacon
• cheese slices
• hamburger buns, buttered
• onion, sliced into rings
• jalapenos, sliced into rings
• dill relish
• mayonnaise
• bbq sauce (PC stampede & siracha)
• tomato slice

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Mix ground beef with spices (I let them 'marinate' for a day).
2. Form into small balls, place ball on cellophane, cover, roll thin with rolling pin.
3. Heat BBQ.
4. Grill bacon, set aside.
5. Add patties to BBQ.
6. Place jalapeno & onion on tin foil over heat (optional).
7. Place buns on outer edges of grill.
8. Brush patties with BBQ sauce.
9. When patties are ready, add peppers & onion, then bacon, then cheese and leave until cheese melts.
10. Remove buns, add patty/toppings to bun, add condiments, enjoy!

Look at those flames. This is gonna be good.

The bacon added to the grill. Why? To see if bacon can be BBQ'd successfully. The charcoal was not at optimal heat, but I had no freaking clue how well the bacon would cook on there.


Oh, the bacon grease got the charcoal to optimal heat in no time. I had to keep shuffling the bacon around because of hot spots in the coals.


It came out crispy, but still a bit chewy. And a nice smokey flavour. The best part, no grease clean up!!!

The patties. Not my finest work. Sure the seasoning was done right, but my patties became misshapen. This was for two reasons: 1) I did them too quickly 2) They were not shaped properly, with some areas too thin and others thick.

BBQ sauce brushed on. In the background, the onion and jalapeno cooking on tin foil.

The whole operation: buns, burgers, bacon and veggies.

"Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun," That's the Big Mac slogan. There are 2 all beef patties, my special sauce is mayo & mustard (not Thousand Island dressing), jalapenos, cheese, dill pickle relish, onion on a plain bun. Oh and bacon, can't forget the bacon. Mmmm bacon. There's also some tomato on there too.

I only had 3 patties, so I made a second 'normal' burger. So basically its a BBQ Bacon Burger. It may be smaller, but it worked just as long. The other burger was a towering monstrosity. 1/3 to 1/2 the size of my head! Not including the spikes.

WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY? Well, better shaped patties would be number one. And I let them cook just 2 minutes too long. Other than that, I was in heaven. Smokey bacon, biting jalapeno, bold bbq sauce - and a mouthfull. I ate it out on the patio, had my portable dvd player, and just enjoyed a beautiful fall afternoon.

I'm loving it.

Click HERE to see more photos.

Original Ronald Photo lifted from Dysonstarr

TACO BELL's VOLCANO TACO ~ NWR

Taco Bell. Oh Taco Bell. During the high school days, you were the most desired fast food (mainly because you didn't live in my hometown). You were cheap, filling, and we used to drink your hot sauce straight out of the packet. Wild! Then, we went our separate ways for many years.

Oh sure, we occasionally glanced at one another at the movie theatre, but it was never meant to be. But now, you've come back into my life and I don't know where this relationship is headed. You can be soooo bad, but oh soooooo good. Vile temptress, tonight you have stolen my hungry soul. This is my shady tale of tacos and me.

I wasn't even going to get anything really. Maybe just a spicy chicken burrito. But then, the advertising I had seen on tv came flooding back as I saw the ad in the drive thru lane -VOLCANO TACO. Then, tempted beyond my self control, there it was:

THE BIG BELL BOX MEAL
2 Volcano Tacos
1 Spicy Chicken Burrito
Nacho Chips
Cinnamon Twists
Volcano Sauce
Regular Soft Drink

$6.99

I know so many taunt and make fun of you Taco Bell, but at that price . . . how could I say no?

And you actually came in a big box

Oh TB, you can be so funny. I see what you did here, you said 'objects are as large as they appear', but normally it is stated that 'objects are closer than they appear'. How drole.

And here, you have made your meal box look like a moving box with safety instructions. Oh you!


Here is all the food. Tacos, burritos, tortillas, twists, drink . . . wait, where is my Volcano dipping sauce? You held back on me? Why would you not give me my dipping sauce?!

But with that spicy chicken burrito with added 'fire' sauce, how could I stay mad? Sure you are cold already, but all is forgiven.


Cinnamon twists; light, airy, sweet, cinnamony. Good, but would have been way better with a cream cheese frosting dip.

Finally, the main event:

Volcano Taco conjures up images of hot, fiery passion. Would you truly be spicy?

My first thoughts - where's the beef? I see lots of lettuce, and lots of red shell taco. Are you teasing me? Playing games? Come out come out where ever you are?

So what makes a Volcano Taco?

1. Red Hard Taco Shell: makes it look spicy and different. It's not. Just plain taco.
2. Empty Space: lots of the taco not filled. Very empty taco.
3. Lettuce: huge hunks and shredded lettuce too. You know, for health.
4. Shredded Cheese: just like a regular taco. So far only the red shell is different
5. Spiced Beef: again, same old taco
6. Lava Sauce: FINALLY - a spicy nacho-cheese sauce.
   
   $1.29 sold on its own.
   

So basically we have a regular taco with a red shell and added cheese sauce. So all the Volcano Taco boils down to is the Volcano Sauce. Now, this is a good sauce. Its got a quick little kick, and mixes in nicely with the rest of the classic taco. This is what their taco should taste like all the time. If you (the audience) are someone who doesn't run for the boarder when you hear the bell, this won't impress you much. But if you do think outside the bun, than this is something worth checking out.

While it is not really spicy in the context of what is really spicy hot, it probably is the hottest thing you can get at Taco Bell. That's right TB, your not that hot after all. I know your Volcano alter ego won't be around forever, but it was glad meeting up for at least one more rendez-vous.


Taco Bell
tacobell.ca

KELSEY'S NEIGHBOURHOOD BAR & GRILL ~ Ottawa

"Cheers, to good food"

Recently Kelsey's advertisements have been trying to market themselves as Cheers, with the theme song playing and attempting to be that warm place where everybody knows your name. I watched Cheers when I was younger, and Kelsey's is not Cheers.

I've also been going to Kelsey's since I was young. It was a favourite when my parents and I went to 'the city' to go shopping. It felt like a comfy neighborhood pub and I will always remember it for their wings. Eventually Tillsonburg got one, and they had fairly reliable wings with 2 wing nights and a very decent suicide sauce.

But over the last 5-10 years Kelsey's has been upping the decor and the atmosphere and the menu (it seems like so many restaurants these days must change their entire menu every couple of months - and what is with the newspaper sized menus?!?!?!), like Jack Astors, Casey's and other chains that once stood as affordable family friendly pubs, but now they seem to cater to the yuppy crowd and serve appetizers that start at $10 (remember when appetizers used to cost less than an entree? And you didn't say entree?).



It was a Monday night and I have never seen a more empty Kelsey's in my life. It was eerie. Usually they are all packed, loud with a jiving atmosphere. This one was dark (the mood set) and just an unusual vibe to the place. I'm used to busy restaurant, good commercial wings. We got an appetizer, the four cheese spinach dip, which is one of the few things that seems to have always been on the menu. It comes with both tortilla chips and deep fried pita, and we go with all pita because, well, its better.

On a side note, several months ago, Mr P and I sat at the T'burg Kelsey's patio and one of his former students offered us one of their homemade concoctions: the deep fried pita chips are awesome with the hot caramel sauce - try it, its to die for - part of the ever growing secret menu's of the world).

The dip was good - so many places just can't seem to make a good dip, despite how easy it is to do yourself. It didn't take us long to finish this appetizer off.

LJ's main course was the balsamic chicken with shrimp. It didn't look like anything special - particularly the pile of plain vegetables. I mean, who wants plain broccoli, zucchini, peppers etc on their plate. It was the worst garnish on a plate I had ever seen until it was explained to me they were meant to be eaten.

Excited to get wings I was confident in getting, I was for sure getting them when I saw they were AYCE, but I'll talk about this special farther down.

2008 THE SCORE 3.0: Kelsey’s Neighborhood Bar & Grill ~ Ottawa

STYLE:	Dusted, deep fried
PRICE:	$9.49 for 8 $16.49 for 16
SAUCES:	Mild/medium/hot Extra Hot Dry Salted Thai Sweet & Spicy Lemon Pepper Dusted Asian Honey Garlic BBQ Sauce with Jack Daniels	1/1
HEAT:	Extra Hot had a nice kick but lots of flavour
SIZE:	They ranged on wing night from large to small, But I know from past experience it’s a large	2/3
WETNAP FACTOR:	Saucy – wet (some were dry, but that’s how they are served)	2/3
CRISPINESS:	Different batches came out differently, but when they were done right (as they usually are, nice and crispy)	2/3
FLAVOUR:	X-Tra Hot: good, heat & flavour both there BBQ: I now know I don’t like BBQ with JD in it, too sour Dry Salted: KFC style, salty Thai (on the side): sweet – almost too sweet	2/3
SIDES:	AYCE Came with fries (to fill you up I’m pretty sure), but normally it would be just veggies and dip	2/3
CLEAN UP:	Wetnaps, napkins, bone plate	3/3
WING NIGHT:	Currently Mon-Wed AYCE $15.99, but individual locations differ	1/1
OTHER:	Dr Pepper (free refills)
TOTAL:	Normally good wings, good sauces, but AYCE may have affected the outcome on this occasion	15/20***

A note about the wings themselves: I got 3 1/2 different orders of wings and each one came out differently. Kelsey's wings are usually big, meaty, crispy and spicy. The first batch was exactly what I expected, the rest, were not. Lets talk about these flavours:


EXTRA HOT:


Their traditional wings are dusted, deep fried, then sauced. It was large, meaty, and hot (in temperature). I went with the Extra Hot because normally its a sauce that packs a punch, but still has a strong Buffalo style flavour. While these weren't so hot, they were good.












BARBECUE SAUCE with JACK DANIEL'S® TENNESSEE WHISKEY:





This time the chicken was terrible. They were small, over cooked, and almost cold when they came out. It also took a LONG time for them to come between orders, which was frustrating because the restaurant was not busy at all.

As for the sauce, I didn't like it at all. Not Kelsey's fault, I've just come to realize I do not like Jack Daniel's or Whisky added to my BBQ sauce. It makes it too sour and takes away from any bold or smokey flavours. This was by far the worst batch.

DRY SALTED + a side of THAI SWEET AND SPICY:

Because the wings were taking soo long to cook, I was only going for one more order. Although I was initially excited about trying lots of flavours, the last batch really jaded me. I couldn't decide on just one, so I went for the Dry Salted, and a side of the Thai that I could dip and sample the sauce.

The dry salted were smaller than my original order, but bigger than the BBQ order. These are a dusted and deep fried wing with sea salt sprinkled on when they are hot. They reminded me of KFC chicken, or The Red Charcoal's dry wings. They were good, but a little too dry; the chicken wasn't very moist.


On the side was the Thai sauce. Said to be Sweet and Spicy, it was really just sweet. No difference from any bottled Thai sauce. I'm glad I didn't just order this as a wing order.

The Kelsey's AYCE Special: ok so here's the deal. For $16 you get AYCE wings. This is the worst wing special out there. The only way I saw this as a real deal was that normally for $16 you get 16 wings. With the AYCE special I got 8 more wings (and more if the speed of service wasn't so bad - one of our waitresses said the record so far was 32, and that was an Kelsey's employee, who probably didn't have to wait).

The special also came with fries. A giant plate of fries. Why? Let's be honest, its filler. Its there to make sure you don't eat a lot of wings. Fries = cheap filler. I stayed away, but they were decent fries. Frozen, but decent.

At the end of the meal, our waitresses (there were two, the newbie and the trainer) dropped off a little card. I felt a little special getting this card of thanks and a comment on the wings. I felt like an important customer. I was tricked though. Our bill had a customer survey on it and one of the questions asked if I got a card at the end of my dinner. This wasn't special, it was a marketing gimmick. And yes, the trainee was names Kelsey. So Kelsey served me at Kelsey's.

FINAL SCORE: Normally I love Kelsey's wings, and I'm surprised that I've never reviewed them before. BBQ wings were tiny and over-cooked, and Dry Salted was too dry. Extra Hot wasn't hot enough, but they were the best wings of the night for sure. I wish I had ordered them last to enjoy. This location just had the wrong vibe and did not live up to what I am used to. So I have altered the score to reflect mainly my original experience. Maybe it was the crappy AYCE special that led to bad wings. I miss the Kelsey's that I was used to. That's where I feel I would have gotten the "Norm!" when I entered, not the fake Cheers facade they are marketing now. 15/20*

Kelsey's Neighbourhood Bar & Grill
1 Roydan Place, Ottawa (and other locations)
Kelseys.ca