BERNIE's BIG SLICE - Brockville ON

The day after New Years Day, my wife and I were involved in a 3 car pileup on the 401. Everyone was ok thankfully, but we lost our vehicle for about 2 weeks while it was repaired by our insurance in Brockville Ontario near where the accident took place. When the car was finally ready, I had to go to Brockville to pick it up. Side note: big shout out to Mitch and Discount Car Rental in Ottawa - I dropped off our replacement vehicle and Mitch drove me all the way from Ottawa to Brockville (just over an hour drive) - that is customer service!!! After I got the car, I figured I'd get some wings for lunch.

I searched online before going to see about wings in Brockville. A number of places came up, but I didn't want to spend a lot of time there and get back home, that's when Bernie's Big Slice came out ahead on my list of choices.

Bernie's is nothing special to look at - its an old house converted into a pizza joint. There is some seating inside, as well as what looks like some renos that are on hold (giving the impression that it's a little stage, but I don't think it is). There are lots of promotions posted in the windows and on the walls. Buffalo Poutine and the Bernie's Bigger Better Burgers caught my eye, and if I wasn't there for wings, I would have gone the burger route.

I was the only one there, and when I came in I was greeted by a staff who was in the back prepping food I think. I said to her it seemed quiet and she mentioned due to the snowstorm that had occurred over the weekend (this was a Monday) that school was closed and a big chunk of their lunch/pre-diner business was kids from the nearby school. It was a good thing it was closed because I found getting around really difficult with the snow covered streets plus it was like -30.

I grabbed one of their paper take-out menus and looked up the wings. I was a bit surprised by the price - $15 for 12 wings. I assumed that meant they would be big wings as take-out wings from pizza joints are generally tiny and not that expensive.

I was excited to see the new homemade Buffalo sauce on the menu. I played dumb and asked what was the difference between the Buffalo sauce and suicide ... she had a hard time explaining. She said "I don't know what to tell you, the Buffalo sauce is ... Buffalo sauce. Suicide has like jalapenos and is not very saucy." OK then. Well I was only getting 12 wings so I couldn't get two orders. So I went with the homemade Buffalo since I was looking for a saucy wing experience, but I did get the suicide on the side.

I waited about 10 or 15 minutes and then I had my take-away bag. I took it and it smelled really good, like classic American Buffalo wings. But I was a little surprised how light the bag felt.

I opened up the plastic bag and found a Styrofoam container. Inside that container was a layer of tinfoil, and the wings.

There were no sides with the wings. I assumed at the price point there would be something. I also grabbed some napkins before heading out, but there was no wetnaps available.

When I opened up the container I was surprised and upset. The wings were small. They weren't micro sized, but they were small. Small in length, height, meatiness. I was not impressed, again at the wings costing $15 for 12. What the heck?! Why are they so expensive? This is what they are charging in restaurants, but how does Bernie's justify the price?

The wings themselves are deep fried and the skin is relatively crispy, but due to steaming in the tinfoil container from when I left, they lost some of that crispiness. The wings were not tough or tender, and I'm pretty sure they came from frozen.

I went with the two sauces. The main Buffalo wings were shockingly under-sauced. The side of suicide I went with though was a container filled with spicy goodness it seemed.

BUFFALO

The smell on these things were great. They smelled like Buffalo wings. But I couldn't find the sauce. I was expecting some saucy wings covered in butter/hot sauce, but there was next to nothing.

The flavour was ... well weak. I was sad and mad. I was expecting something special from "homemade" sauce, but the application was just so thin that I couldn't get a sauce experience. Small wings, short on sauce. Things were not looking so good.

SUICIDE

I went with the suicide sauce because I had seen on their Facebook page that it was homemade, and looked really chunky and good. And, it did in real life too. You could see the jalapenos, chili peppers and lots of spices mixed in.

I have to say, it was a really great sauce. Actually, it was more 'saucy' than the Buffalo. It packed a lot of flavour and texture for sure. It was really fresh tasting. And it had a nice bite to it hovering between hot and suicide in the burn.

FINAL SCORE

Overall I was disappointed with Bernie's. Where are the wings?! Where is the sauce?! Tiny wings, barely sauced and $15 is a little outrageous. The homemade Buffalo was, well, missing. Suicide though, suicide was where it's at. If you are getting the wings, either ask for them to be saucy, or get the suicide. Next time I'm in Brockville, I doubt I will get wings again here. 6/14

Bernie's Big Slice
60 Pearle Street E, Brockville ON
berniesbigslice.com